If I Ruled the World
by MeanMrsMustard
Summary: What would the world look like if characters from "Phineas and Ferb" ruled it?   Chapter 7 is up: Suzy
1. Chapter 1: Ferb

"Thank you so much for your time, Mr. Fletcher, sir!" The middle-aged woman sped out of the room, clutching the paper that had Ferb's solution written on it.

Ferb smiled. He allowed himself a moment to relax before he pressed the "next" button. Being in charge of the planet wasn't as scary as he'd imagined. Every day, he saw maybe a dozen or two people with problems. There were all kinds of problems. Sometimes the buses didn't stop at intersections where kids were crossing the road. Sometimes two cities didn't get along. Sometimes there wasn't enough money for a program. There were all kinds of problems, and Ferb had an answer for them all.

Ferb was great at solving problems. He could see solutions that others couldn't. He could weigh multiple factors without having to decide which was most important. He found that solving problems was a lot like building a very complex machine: When you knew what you wanted the machine to do, it was easy to align the parts, both big and small. Sometimes, there were parts missing. Ferb found new ones. Sometimes, parts were put in the wrong way. Ferb fixed them. Sometimes, parts didn't fit. Ferb adjusted them so they did.

There were differences, too. Often, the most enjoyable part of ruling was helping people see the solutions for themselves. Machines couldn't do that.

The best part of every day, though, was seeing people leave his office smiling. Ferb liked fixing things, whether they were machines or people.

Ferb pressed the "next" button. Another problem was waiting for a solution.


	2. Chapter 2: Candace

Hey all!

Thanks for reviewing my story!

To **Audrey2013**: The reason I had him seeing that few people is 1. Ferb knows how to delegate and 2. I wanted him to be able to spend a good amount of time with them without him being overworked.

This chapter is all about Candace! Enjoy!

:) :) :)

One morning, Empress Candace "Bust-a-lot" Flynn awoke to a nasty realization.

She had been a horrible empress over the last six months.

"Jeremy!" she called.

"Yes, honey? What do you want?" Jeremy, on the other hand, had been a great husband. He'd stood by her for the entire six months of Candace's administration. As a result, he was extremely unpopular, but he didn't care.

"I need to make a royal decree. I have to apologize."

"Sure thing, Candace." Jeremy called up the video camera that would broadcast Candace's image to every television in the world. If people lived in a time zone that was still asleep, it would save the message until they could watch it. Viewing, of course, would be mandatory.

"People of the world," she began. "This is a royal decree." She knew several people would groan when their televisions automatically turned on.

"I need to apologize to all of you. If I knew your names, I'd say them individually. But I don't, so I'm going to apologize to you all in general.

"I'm sorry I've been such a crappy ruler. I haven't respected any of you. I've ignored your needs in favor of my wants. That's the worst mistake any ruler could make.

"I'm not a teenager any more, but I've been acting like one. A spoiled, stupid, teenager. I needed to grow up before I came into office. Instead I grew down. I became immature and started treating life like an endless party.

"I've got an apology to make to a few specific people.

"First, my mom. Sorry, mom. I let my age-old urge to bust take over. First, I made you see what the boys were doing. I should have stopped there. But I didn't. I made you punish them. I forced them to do dangerous things so you would be mad at them. At first, I just wanted you to see what they've been doing since they were kids. But then I decided that I'd rather see them in trouble. I'm sorry for being such a terrible daughter."

"Second, my husband. I'm sorry, Jeremy. I've always loved you, but now I've made everyone hate you. You didn't have to be so loyal to me when I was being such a…" She struggled to find an appropriate word. "... moron.

"Finally, I think that the people who deserved my biggest apology are my brothers, Phineas and Ferb. They are not only the most brilliant inventors ever, they are the best brothers ever. They've been putting up with my crap for years, and especially so for the last few months. Even after all the stupid stuff I do to them, they still think I'm the best sister ever. They say my heart's in the right place. I don't know if that's true, but my head sure hasn't been. I hope that they continue to be great, and that they forgive me for all the things I've done to them."

The phone rang. Candace forgot she was on camera.

"Who could that be?" She glanced at the caller ID. Phineas.

"Answer call," she told her phone. Phineas' voice rang out of the speaker.

"Hi, Candace. Ferb and I just wanted to let you know that we do forgive you."

"We never found you at fault, really," piped up Ferb.

Candace felt like she was going to cry.

"Thanks, guys," she told the phone. The phone hung up.

"Well, folks, I promise I'm going to get my act together. I'm going to shape up. I'm going to be the leader this great planet deserves. So long." Candace saluted the camera, and the message was over.

The next morning, she kept true to her promises. And she never went back on them for the rest of her life.

:) :) :)

So, what did you guys think? Great chapter? Terrible chapter? Too long? Too short?

If you have any ideas for characters for me to do, put them in your reviews.


	3. Chapter 3: Doofenshmirtz

OK, everybody. **DasSchnabeltier** requested the chapter on Doofenshmirtz. I haven't seen the movie yet (boo), so I hope this doesn't accidentally resemble the movie. I actually took most of it from "Quantum Boogaloo."

|" c"|

It had been so easy. He'd only had to do two things.

The first was shift his focus from the Tri-State Area to the world.

The second was to build two inators, cover one in superglue, and use the other. It didn't matter what the inator did. All that mattered was that Perry the Platypus had leapt at it and gotten stuck to it. After that, it had been _so_ easy to threaten to Obliterate-inate all OWCA bases on the planet. Monogram had then been _very_ compliant. Doofenshmirtz hadn't been stupid - that was his problem, being stupid - he'd implanted Loyalty-inator chips in Monobrow, Dr. Coconut, and all the rest of the Agency, including the agents.

Now life was perfect. It had all those nice Doofenshmirtz-y touches. Doofenshmirtz believed that attention to detail was the most important thing when setting up your global empire, and he'd been right. Little things, like making everyone's voices even higher-pitched than his own. Or making all the mandatory lab coats gray. Or legally changing everyone's name to Joe. That had been the best part, he thought. He knew everyone's name. Sure, the hundreds-of-feet-tall statues of him had been nice, but being able to command _everyone on earth_ just by saying, "JOE!" very loudly was the best.

Doofenshmirtz's favorite part of being emperor of the entire world, though, was crushing everyone's spirit. Adults, children, babies. They all had nice, happy, uncrushed spirits that were like a slap in the face to Doofenshmirtz. So he crushed them. Maybe his would seem uncrushed by comparison.

The thing that he'd never tell anyone, not even his heir, the future Empress/Queen of the Evil Empire/Kingdom of Gloriously Evil Doofania (which was what he'd decided to call the world), was what he did from four to five in the afternoon every day.

He summoned Perry the Platypus to his lair, just so they could battle. Sure, there was no point. Sure, they'd both soon be unfit for battle and forced to play checkers. But battling Perry the Platypus was the one thing that made his day, every day.

It was even better than ruling the world.

|" c"|

So, what did you think? Too long? Too short? Too evil? Not evil enough?

I'm still taking character suggestions. :) Review please!


	4. Chapter 4: Isabella

OK, everyone! This is the highly-requested Isabella chapter! Thanks to **The High Lord of Terra** and **o0SoulGuardian0o** for suggesting this chapter be grimdark.

If you were an alien passing by the blue-green (and strangely pink) planet, everything would seem normal - in fact, it would seem wonderful.

There would be billions of inhabitants, all smiling so broadly it had to hurt.

Nobody would seem unhappy. Everyone would be dancing rather than walking, skipping rather than running.

"What's up?" would be replaced by "Whatcha doin'?"

Almost everything would be pink. There would be lots of "I 3 Centaurs" posters.

The cities' main streets would be named "Phineas Street." All of them.

And there would be, of course, a beautiful, sparkling castle, right in the middle of what used to be called Danville but now was called Phineasland. There would be a beautiful, sparkling young woman with black hair and blue eyes. And of course, there would be a wonderful, good-looking young man married to the young Empress.

This planet would seem like a paradise.

You would be more wrong than a mad scientist turning around the moon to prevent the full moon.

In fact, everyone was smiling because they were afraid not to. They imitated the Empress so she would be pleased. They made things her favorite color. They mentioned her husband constantly. In fact, they were over-compensating so Empress Isabella Flynn wouldn't notice that everything wasn't perfectly fine. Because if she did, she'd have Phineas build something to make their lives horrible.

If only she knew Phineas had been the leader of the Resistance for five years.

Eight years ago, when she became Empress and asked - well, commanded really - him to marry her, he'd been delighted. He'd been harboring a small crush on her for a while. But slowly, he realized that she wasn't as sweet and innocent as she'd been when they were kids. He realized that, somehow, she'd gone insane. Something wasn't right. She had a cute, lovable, princess-y exterior that hid something dark inside. She was, on the inside, a control freak. She couldn't stand it when things didn't go her way. She was, in short, a spoiled brat. The worst kind of leader. And Phineas was determined to fix things.

Maybe, once upon a time, their love had once been perfect. Maybe it could have turned out better. But for Phineas and Isabella, there would be no happily ever after.

So, what did you guys think? Too grimdark? Not grimdark enough? Was Isabella OOC? I'll only know if you review!


	5. Chapter 5: Monogram

Quick Author's Note Before I Begin:

OK, I haven't been flamed for my last chapter (yet), so that was a nice surprise. I just thought I'd let you guys know that I actually do like Isabella. However, I didn't start this story so I could say "everyone in Phineas and Ferb is perfect and the world would be great no matter who ruled it!" I started this story to try and examine the characters. There are quite a few aphorisms that start with "if you want to know what someone's really like…" and mine is "… give them some power and see what they do with it." I'm sure that, under another set of circumstances, would make a great leader. (*cough* Fireside Girls *cough*) This is just one of those "what if" type things. (But I'm still not ready to give Isabella absolute power.)

OK. Back on topic. This chapter will be all about…

Major Monogram! (as requested by **The High Lord of Terra**.) Next chapter will probably be the World as Presented by Phineas Flynn, but for now, a quick bite of grimdark.

Perry couldn't remember the last time he'd been comfortable with a mission that Monogram gave him. It was probably the penultimate time he'd battled Doofenshmirtz. The last time Monogram had instructed him to put a stop to what Doofenshmirtz was doing, rather than simply order him to arrest him. Perry remembered the mission after that well.

"Agent P, I have a… special mission for you. Today, you're really going to defeat Doofenshmirtz."

Perry had chattered in a way that meant _I always defeat him._

"No, Agent P, you misunderstood me. I mean that, if your mission goes well, this will be your last mission with Doofenshmirtz. He's going to jail. His evildoing just _has_ to stop. Today, you're _really_ going to put a stop to him." Monogram had then smiled that horrible, satisfied-looking smirk. Didn't he get that the daily battles with Doofenshmirtz were the best part of his day?

But Perry had followed orders. It had probably been the worst mistake of his life. For the next few months, Perry had defeated a new villain every day. And then, Monogram was given supreme control of the planet. The Agency had been synonymous with the enforcers of Monogram's police state. Perry had to do awful things, but he was afraid to quit. If he did, the Flynn-Fletchers might fall under suspicion. And that definitely couldn't happen. The only reason Perry even remained a member of Monogram's toadies was to protect them. They had special benefits. Their house - and minds - were inspected far fewer times than any other families, and Perry often did the inspection. Sure, Perry often felt like he was giving them a bad reputation, but it was worth their safety, wasn't it?

I told you it would be quick. The Monogram chapter was quite easy, actually. All I had to do was make the secret agents into Monogram's "police force." At first, I considered saying, "The OWCA's best-kept secret is that they already rule the world," but that would be lazy.

As always, your reviews are welcome!


	6. Chapter 6: Phineas

Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay! I never realized how exhausting it is to write. (It's loads of fun, though. Which totally makes up for it.)

Just another reminder: When I make characters abuse their power, I'm _not_ character bashing! The only character I don't like is Suzy Johnson. :P

Well, enough of me blabbering on. I'm sure you all want to see what Phineas does with the planet.

:) :) :)

Phineas Flynn woke up. In some ways, he was very different from the eleven-year-old boy who had first said, "Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!" He was taller, for example, and he was in charge of the world. In other ways, he wasn't different at all. He still retained that childish air that made everyone enjoy being around him. And he never stopped coming up with ideas.

Long ago, he had been confronted with a problem. His nephews had presented it to him, in fact.

"This is the future. Everything's already been done."

At first, the idea had seemed preposterous. But about a week after he had become ruler of the world, when he had mass-produced the cold fusion reactor, solved world hunger, gotten rid of poverty and homelessness, fixed global warming, and found a cure for cancer, measles, and the common cold, he realized he was rapidly running out of problems to fix. World peace was the only thing left for him to do, really.

He really, really didn't want to get bored. He couldn't stand the idea of not having anything to do to make the world better. And he knew it was wrong to try and _cause_ new problems just so he could fix them.

So he had called up Ferb. It was the most obvious choice. His advice had been simple.

"Phineas, it seems to me that you're laboring under the delusion of 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it.' The world doesn't need to be fixed, it needs to be _upgraded_. Think about what we did when we were young. Did we ever really solve any problems? Or did we just make every day more enjoyable?"

After Ferb had told him that, Phineas decided to become more youthful. He decided that he'd travel around the world, doing things that were fun. He'd show the children of the world what his favorite part of summer was: doing things!

:) :) :)

As always, I value your reviews!


	7. Chapter 7: Suzy

Hello all! Sorry I haven't been on in a while. (Hey, on the Internet, even a couple of _days_ is a while! You don't have to be Annabella Johnson to be missing.) *insert standard excuse about back-to-school here* No, seriously. Back-to-school. It's not as simple when you get to high school. (PHINEAS: OVER-THE-SUMMER HOMEWORK IS NOT A JOKE.)

I was _going_ to make this chapter the long-awaited, much-requested Perry chapter, but I realized something: So far, I've done good things with good characters (Phineas/Ferb/to an extent, Candace), bad things with good characters (Isabella/Monogram), and bad things with bad characters (Doofenshmirtz). (NOTE: "Bad" refers to evil. I love Doofenshmirtz.) I haven't, however, done good things with bad characters.

This chapter is going to be about…

Suzy Johnson!

When she was younger, "manipulative b****" was one of the nicer things people would call Susan Johnson. In fact, people often said it to her face. She knew what they said behind her back. You don't want to know.

So it was expected, when she came into power, for her to continue being manipulative and all those things that made everyone hate her: whiny, backstabbing, dishonest, disloyal, two-faced, etc.

And she was.

She defied everyone's expectation, though, to be a terrible ruler. A selfish ruler. Everyone thought she'd do with the world what she tried to do when she had no power: Twist it around until it matched how she liked it.

But she didn't.

The truth was, she had planned to do just that. When she discovered that the position of ultimate power was soon to be hers, she was excited. Candace Flynn had better kiss her relatively comfortable life - and Jeremy - goodbye. All her enemies would soon bow down to her. Or else. It wasn't that they didn't already.

That all changed, though, as she took a late afternoon stroll through Danville, her home town. Most adults recognized her and had the good sense to back off. They didn't need to. She hadn't been feeling particularly vengeful.

Her train of thought, which she was never able to remember afterwards, had been broken by the sound of crying. A family had been taking a late afternoon stroll through the park at the same time that Susan had. The parents were talking to each other, too busy to notice that their teenage son was tormenting their little daughter. He was holding something out of her reach - Susan hadn't seen it clearly, but she assumed it was a stuffed animal - and whenever she pleaded for help, her parents would mumble something like "Leave your sister alone, Ethan" or "Don't bother Julie" without actually doing anything.

Susan felt sorry for the little girl. No, it was more than that. Susan could see the little girl as _herself_, and the boy as Jeremy, a Jeremy who wasn't as nice. What if Jeremy hadn't loved her like he had? She realized that, even though most people assumed she simply used Jeremy, she really did feel affectionate for her older brother, and couldn't imagine her life without his helpful advice, or kind words, or assistance when she needed it. She suddenly realized that there were millions of little girls who didn't have a nice older brother, and she felt committed to help them.

Susan was able to be sympathetic, something she hadn't realized before. She'd never put herself in other people's shoes before.

In her personal life, Susan always acted with self-interest. But when dealing with bigger problems, she was able to see every side of every story.

What did you think? Were you surprised I used Suzy? (Heck, _I _was surprised I used Suzy.) Was the writing OK?

Please review! I always get excited when I see someone's reviewed my story! :)


End file.
